Friday, December 25, 2015

knock knock?

Hi guys, long time no see. Not sure if anyone's still around to read this update, especially since it's been over a year, but I figured I'd check back in to do some cleanup, and to write something up real quick!

First of all: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Doesn't feel like them in the least, on my end. Maybe next year will be better. Unfortunately this time around, the holidays brought with them far too much stress and not enough of that holiday joy that everyone talks about. Is that even a real thing? Seriously, is that even a real thing?

2015 certainly brought with it several events that, had I still been using this regularly, would've seen a string of paragraphs dedicated to them. I moved into my first apartment (in San Francisco!) in August 2015, for example. Got my first tattoo (of a bee, to no one's surprise), had a Harley Quinn Halloween, tried out fitness kickboxing. Battled many bugs in my home, tried to keep several houseplants alive (mostly succeeded), consulted an embarrassing amount of wikiHows concerning basic domestic duties as I adjusted to life alone, struggled to maintain at least a sliver of a social life, got out that self-critical bubble and finally put up an online portfolio of my artwork, yadda yadda yadda. Oh, and I applied for graduation. That doesn't feel quite real yet, since I'm fresh out of finals stress.

When's the last time we heard a story about a 22-year old who had it all together, anyway?

Still, I suppose if I want to be optimistic about the past several months -- and I do, I can definitely muster a genuine desire to -- the good and the bad are, in that strange way of theirs, oddly balanced. Creative energy? Wondefful, in fact it's all over the place: too many ideas and projects, which is always a delight, although I'm scrambling to get them all down somewhere. Money? Not great. Did the occasional commission or gig this year, but now that class is over, I'm currently pushing out as many job applications as I can. (Merry Christmas to me!) Style? Maybe I'll write more about later, perhaps, but yeah, I'm still lusting after that Allsaints jacket I've mentioned in passing a few times here. Love? Lovely, for once, and I'm very much all daydreamy and impatient in regards to the future. General wellness, mental health, recovery, stress management? Alright, could be better, getting by, and so-so, respectively. Life's funny. Whether it's ha-ha funny or everything-you've-been-dreading-coming-true funny, though, is a painful rite of passage I figure most twenty-somethings will undergo, and slowly. 

All that being said: I'm thinking about what I can possibly do with this space. I've made it too cute and had too much fun using it in the past to toss it away entirely. (I'll promise I'll never forget you, Livejournal.) I'm still writing the occasional personal post on Tumblr; however, it never quite takes the same tone as these entries do -- which I'm completely fine with. In fact, I appreciate that I can assess my day-to-day life in a variety of voices. Someone's got to, and it's the only life I'm gonna have. And let me tell you, my sidebar bio here applies just as much today as it did the day I wrote it. (Not really: my desire to discuss and talk about the things I want to say increase with time. Also, I'm a Gemini, but that may or may not be related to that tendency.)

This blog took on a lifestyle/fashion/music focus during my days at Collegefashion, and those are all things I don't think I'll ever stop rambling about. There are so many subjects I want to talk about that I can use this space for, after all -- everything from turtleneck sweaters to skincare, race and feminism and what life has been like growing up Filipina in America (something I've been wanting to discuss at length for years), the horror project I'm hoping to kickstart next year, the Filipina superhero I've needed growing up and therefore have started writing, the unbearable whiteness of media, recovery and self-care, tattoos and tattoos and more tattoos...

Anyway, quick update (yeah right) aside, I hope it won't be too long until I check in here next. I'm figuring things out, dusting off much-neglected online platforms, dipping my feet back into this corner of the digital pool. Keeping my eyes open, speaking up. 

It's like I said -- life's funny. If I say everything I want to say, and help people out along the way, someone like me won't have to be the punchline anymore.

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