part-time plant mama, full-time wreck

Somehow, it's nearly April already.

I wish I had a long list of good things to say about March -- or even a short one, really -- but...well. 

I'll be honest: March absolutely sucked. It just did. Be it stress from matters of money, job hunting (for a second job), or personal things, it has been far from great, and my hope that April will be better feels a lot like how I felt at the end of February. I really don't know what it is about 2016 so far and its tendency to kick my ass (repeatedly), but I'm hoping this is just some shitty, free trial, low-resolution demo of what it's going to be.

While attempting to relax earlier this evening, I pulled my curtains open to let in that lovely Sunset District sunset, and lay down in bed to reread Hawkeye Vol. 3: LA Woman. I'm not sure which panels I related to more: Kate Bishop desperately seeking a job in her new stomping grounds, or Kate Bishop repeatedly being threatened to be put behind bars for her efforts -- that is, if she weren't getting punched in the face. (Alright, so maybe job rejections and multiple visits to the police department are nowhere near the same thing, and all of March's beatings were emotional, but you get the point.)

Yeah, there's some funny symbolism in there, but I'm too tired to type it out.

Anyway -- as with most of my entries lately, I have little point in writing them, other than to vent, and to supply some pretty things to look at. This is no news, and about to be really boring (and likely disappointing) if you already follow me on Instagram, by the way.

Here are some nice pictures, at least, to make up for the lack of nice words, featuring my growing (no pun intended) collection of houseplants and succulents. 

I've been too busy to have much company other than my own misery, but hey, at least some things can live and thrive in my home, because lately, it sure as hell isn't me. (I just wish it weren't the occasional bugs that show up, too.)

mitski, makeup, and a messy post in general

You know, I keep telling myself to update this more often to avoid having an absurdly long, image-heavy post, but I never seem to actually take that advice. Maybe that should've been my New Year's resolution. I specifically remember not making any since I never stick to them, but let me tell you, it quickly came down to "be financially stable" and "keep this apartment" pretty fast.

Overall, 2016 has sort of...well, sucked. I'm not going to write about all that here, however -- I save that sort of venting for my personal journals, Twitter rants, and Skype calls. Instead, I want to spotlight some of the good things lately. I'm sure no one reading this (is anyone even reading this anymore?) is interested in the money-related meltdowns and the occasional existential crisis that sums up adulthood as a 20-something in the city.

Right, so where do I start? I suppose I'll open with the most exciting news -- I went to the Noisepop show this past Wednesday night to see Mitski, one of my favorite musicians! If you haven't listened to her yet, you definitely should. 

She was brilliant, heartbreaking, and heartwarming, of course. And I got to talk to her after the show! 

   

I was definitely starstruck -- it wasn't exactly easy to piece together everything I wanted to tell her about how much it meant to me to see an Asian woman playing on stage -- but I know she understood what I was trying to get across. A few hours before the show I tweeted her something about "crying toc (tears of color)" at her show, which she found amusing enough to give a shout-out right before her last song! Needless to say, I felt like I was dreaming. 

That's just one of many side effects to listening to Mitski's songs, I suppose -- feeling that pleasant, floaty dreaminess. Am I making sense? Probably not. I'm already looking forward to seeing her perform again. It's been ages since I've been to a concert -- my last was the Courtney Love and Lana del Rey show in the late spring of 2016 -- and Mitski was the perfect choice to welcome the experience back. The next one on my list is The Last Shadow Puppets in April. Finally. Finally.

Being out that night was especially refreshing, seeing as 99% of my time spent outside is either at work, or doing grocery runs. I did have a fun night out with some friends who decided to visit a few days earlier though, and we stumbled upon one of the Chinese New Year parades downtown before having some touristy Ghirardelli treats.

Speaking of work, it's been nice so far -- I admire the people I work with, and I'm having a lot of fun managing the social media accounts. I'm hoping to get more hours soon, because it's unfortunately not enough to make rent in San Francisco, even for a tiny space. In fact, I'm back in the soul-crushing cycle that is job hunting, because I really, really don't want to lose this lovely, cozy apartment.

But! Like I said, this isn't the place for my financial breakdowns. I'm lucky that taking pretty photos of my workplace is part of my job, since it's great for dressing up this blog and my Instagram:

Being surrounded by so many adorable things for hours -- especially all the flowers and succulents -- really get me into the mood for decorating my apartment. 

Unfortunately, I don't have the money for any of that right now, so instead I try to keep the beehive (not sure if I've referred to my home as the beehive here yet, because I do on other accounts all the time) as cute, clean, and photogenic as possible. It does wonders for my mood, actually.

As I'm sure you can tell from the photos above, I've been playing around with eyeshadow a lot. Now, I've been lusting for the TooFaced Chocolate Bar palettes for ages, but not knowing shit about eyeshadow makes the price tags even more unjustifiable. I recently discovered that Makeup Revolution has chocolate bar palettes of their own, and two of them are exact dupes for the TooFaced ones -- I Heart Chocolate, which you see here, and Salted Caramel, which I should be receiving in the mail soon. And yes, their Blushing Hearts blushes are dupes of Too Faced's Sweethearts blush.

I hope one day I can have all of them to experiment with -- the shadows are buttery and pigmented, the packaging is super cute, and the price can't be beat. I wish they'd start selling Makeup Revolution products here! I know they have some at Ulta now, but as far as I can tell, I haven't seen any of their chocolate line.

Anyway! Mitski and makeup aside, here's a poorly organized list of other things I feel like I should mention:

• Since I'm looking for a second job, I'm trying to earn as much extra money as I can. I'm back to doing commissions, so if you're interested, please message me using this contact form on my porfolio. You can view my rates and styles here -- take note, though, that I will be updating them soon.
  
  
  
  
• I'm on a Kate Bishop kick lately -- here are two playlists I've put together in the past few days to cope with the (strange, unacceptable) fact that I still haven't finished reading the Hawkeye comics: SUPERHERO, and H²:
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• I've also added a few updates to my art portfolio. New pieces (including some commissions) will be added accordingly.
  
  
• At the moment I can't exactly prioritize working on personal projects like short stories, paintings, et cetera -- however, I have no reason to toss them aside entirely. In-between art commissions I try to draw or at least doodle some pieces to keep me warmed up, and to help ensure that I don't lose whatever creative drive I've managed to muster. I am still up for tattoo commissions, so please talk to me if you're interested! I generally keep a number of slots open for commissions if I'm announcing them on Tumblr since that's where I have the highest amount of followers, so if I'm discussing openings on other platforms, I don't usually have a slot limit.

Alright -- I think that's all I have for now. Hope to tune back in soon! Thanks for reading. 

If I had a catchy goodbye message or tagline like some of my favorite Youtube gamers and makeup experts, it'd be here, but as it turns out, I'm not quite there yet. (Did I mention, by the way, that a Youtube LP channel specializing in horror games is another plan for the future? That's not until my boyfriend moves in, though. Christ, I can't wait for the day I get to split rent costs.)

2 paragraphs, 7 photos

Plenty has changed since my last update, and I mean that in a good way. It'll take some time getting used to working -- training has been equally intimidating and interesting so far, but I'm relieved to say that I'm actually enjoying a large part of it. Already the January days of frantic job searches feel far away, and they've been replaced with learning the responsibilities associated with retail, spending time amongst pretty plants and gifts, and instagramming said plants and gifts. Funny how things turned out -- one of the first venues I reached out to and developed an interest in turned out to be the job I got after all! Turns out it really was patience -- and, okay, copious amounts of caffeine -- that got me through.

Anyway, I have a few things here and there that I've considered writing about over the past several days, but I'm a bit wiped out. Perhaps I'll write a more comprehensive update once I've settled into my new routine, or if more exciting news comes my way. But since my surroundings have been on the lovelier side of late, and I'm since always opening my camera app, I figure pictures will do the job just fine.   

news of a cheerful variety

January is (finally) coming to a close, and I'm happy to say that things are, at last, beginning to look up. 

I'm on my way to completing this round of commissions, as well as preparing for a few upcoming freelance gigs. I'm glad I devoted much of my free time this month to getting back into painting and traditional work, as the some of the work I'll be doing on the side for extra cash will involve such methods. I have a gig coming up, and as it's still in the planning stage I can't quite go into depth just yet, but to summarize it in its simplest terms: I'll be illustrating a fashion line's spring/summer collection sometime next month.

Now, saying I'll be partaking in those gigs on the side also implies one thing: the job hunt looks like it's reaching its conclusion. I've mentioned a cute gift shop in a nearby neighborhood I've expressed interest in a few entries ago and, well, after speaking with the manager, my training starts next week! 

I've got loads to learn, obviously, although I'm especially excited for managing the store's social media. This place is about as photogenic and Instagram-worthy as it gets. 

More on that soon!

Another nice life update: I finally got to spend some time with my friend Elle and her boyfriend again yesterday -- it feels like it's been ages since I've had a social outing. As is customary with seeing her, we got some bubble tea (pictured above), and I had Malaysian food for the first time! 

I've also been knee-deep in YouTube makeup videos -- or shoulder-deep, really, it's gotten to the point where I've got to watch the KathleenLights channel on a daily basis -- and I'm trying out new things. I've got approximately zero skills when it comes to eyeshadow, yet will browse the cutest palettes for hours on end, and add them to my cart, only to remove them. I've had the Sonia Kashuk matte eyeshadow palette for a few years now, although I primarily use it for eyebrows and as a rare substitute for liquid eyeliner. (The pigmentation is wonderful.) I have a Maybelline nudes palette I'm playing around with, too, before I get onto anything too fancy...or Too Faced.

Lipstick is definitely something I'm more comfortable with, however, and I finally decided to try out Colourpop's Ultra Matte Liquid Lipsticks. After watching hours of swatch videos, I've decided to purchase the shade Bumble. It's a lovely color to start with, as I'm unfamiliar with the matte liquid lipstick formula -- and, yeah, okay, the cute bee name obviously pulled me in.

The color is slightly more cool-toned and dustier than it looks in the tube and in these photos, but everything you've heard about the long-lasting, kiss-proof, ultra matte formula is definitely true. This doesn't come off, ever. Just make sure to exfoliate and let some lip balm sink in first, though, because when it's something this matte, it's especially drying. I've got my eyes on Avenue next.

Anyway, as things are to get busier in the next few weeks/months, I suspect they will get better, too. I'm seeing Mitski in concert next month, and I also bought tickets to The Last Shadow Puppets show in April! Finally! I never thought I'd get to see them live, ever. I might have mourned my bank account for a minute after purchasing the tickets, but only for a minute. I've already started thinking of outfits for both, although -- as it usually ends up happening with my concert attire -- I will likely just pick something else at the last minute. 

Speaking of attire, at the moment I'm ridiculously tempted to purchase the perfect replica of that 1970 Bella Freud sweater which, let's be real, I will probably end up doing.

(Look, alright, when the day comes that I can justify throwing away $500 on a sweater, chances are I'll still scout a cheaper lookalike.)

The orange/red version I recently drew Alexa in would be perfect for a Valentine's Day outfit, even though I'll likely be working that weekend, and the nature of being in a long-distance relationship basically limits outfit sharing with an equally stylish boyfriend to an exchange of pictures. To any of you who are fortunate enough to be within the same city or state as your partner: I really fucking hope you're having the time of your life, and that there are cute plans brewing for the upcoming Hallmark holiday, because being miles and miles apart is the absolute worst. 

My birthday's in May, but I'm 100% open to anyone gifting me with a flight ticket any time of year.

And on that note, I'm out! Will write soon.

home scenes

life as a 20-something: caffeine, craigslist, and a cat collecting game because your landlord doesn't allow cats (and you can't afford one yet)

This is just a short (ish) life update, as I'm finding myself far too comfortable in the warmth of my bed to step out into the cold to check on the bees. (I checked yesterday, no sign of them yet -- then again, it's been raining the past several days, so they're probably seeking shelter elsewhere. Could said shelter be cuter than the bee house I put out for them? No way!)

Anyway, here's a breakdown of what's going on, which I hope will explain the post title I had way too much fun putting together:

• It's been over a year or so since I've had some Earl Grey in the kitchen, and a friend of mine recommended that I try Twining's Lady Grey (pictured above). It's delicious enough for me to have already gone through six mugs even though I only bought the box last night, but light enough for me to not feel concerned, or leave me violently shaking after said six mugs.
  
  
• Caffeine is a daily necessity for me, but especially lately, as the job hunt continues. I heard back from a few employers, and had an interesting interview yesterday. I mean that in a good way, as I generally enjoyed talking about writing in fashion, and discussing my favorite things about it -- but "good" as in "I got hired" good? Nah, not yet, unfortunately. I'm hoping to work for this adorable gift and luxury store in West Portal (which is where I got my mug of succulents from!), so I'm waiting on that opportunity, as well as several others. I can't remember the last time I relaxed and didn't think about resumes.
  
  
• Just several months ago I was spending nearly every hour browsing and refreshing Craigslist when I was looking for an apartment. I definitely got lucky with this one. Will I get lucky there and find the right job for me? I sure hope so, and it better be soon, because I almost considered responding to a gig requesting that someone message this guy's OkCupid matches for him.
  
  
• Last night's Elementary episode was terrible. I feel like I've said enough about it. If you follow me on Twitter, then you already know what I have to say about it. If you've followed me on Twitter since around season two, you know how much I disliked 2x23: "Art in the Blood", and therefore know how I managed to dislike this one even more. The AV Club's review of "Miss Taken" pretty much explains why I'd rather forget this episode happened.
  
  
• I've gotten around 5000 words done on my personal essay on race, and my lived experiences of racism as a Filipina-American woman. Due to its nature, I don't expect to whip this one out with ease and leisure -- it's not easy to talk about in the least, but I know I absolutely need to for the sake of my well-being. Topics include Asian representation in the media, the strange dissonance in identity of being "too Asian" or "not Asian enough", and how it has played into my personal relationships. I will be hosting it here when it's complete.
  
  
• And, last but not least, I (finally) caved and started playing Neko Atsume last night. Perfect for someone like me who absolutely adores cats but can't afford or live with one at the moment. It's definitely playing to my convenience -- since I'm too lazy to step out in the cold and check on the bees in the backyard, well, all I have to do is open the app and check for the cats!
  
  

some apartment love

What with final exams several weeks ago, the holidays, and now the frantic job hunt, I've really been neglecting tending to my tiny apartment. My friend Elle was visiting today, so I  figured it was a good opportunity to get back to keeping it bright and stylish. If there's one thing that helps to put me at peace during times of stress -- yes, even the stress that accompanies the constant refreshing and emailing regarding job searches -- it's a lovely, organized workspace. 

Picked up some cute wooden boxes from the eternally convenient (and cute! and cheap!) selection at Daiso for my desk and my succulents. Daiso is one of those stores where, upon entering, I will have a strict list of three or so household items I need -- but more likely than not I will end up leaving with a few additional items. No room for buyer's remose, though. There's no better place to go to add some charm to the home without breaking the bank.

I also stopped by the plant nursery to pick up some purple flowers for the bee house. 

   

happy new year!

Happy New Year! Due to my lack of holiday decoriations (and, let's be real, holiday spirit in general this time around), the New Year festivity will somehow have to be visually expressed through the above photos: an adorable box of cookies from my landlord, and a train selfie from a while ago. Bear with me!

Here's hoping that 2016 brings you wellness, success, and the unlikelihood of bugs creeping into your home this winter. I'm certainly hoping for the first two, because unfortunately that last wish has already failed me, as there happened to be a spider in my bathroom.

I've been having a very quiet New Year, and not entirely without its stress: spent both the eve and holiday alone in my tiny apartment, cleaning, job hunting around the clock, doing some errands here or there. Still, it wasn't without its redeeming qualities. I now have an excuse to buy a new, cute desk calendar (I've been browsing Etsy). When I wasn't sending out one resume after the other, I was replaying my favorite video game of all time, and enjoying the comforts of Elementary season one episodes with my boyfriend. Oh! And trying to brush up on some beginner's guides to inviting and hosting bees in the garden, because...

...My friend Alex got me a lovely house for bees as a Christmas gift! Maybe 2016 will finally be the year where I go from finding bees cute to finding them cute enough to want to try raising them in an urban backyard:

I checked this morning: no bees yet, but then again, it's probably too soon to expect any. I'm planning to set a nice, small pot of purple flowers nearby sometime soon. (Bees loving the color purple is probably one of the cutest things about them, ever. That, and festooning.)

Anyway, New Year's stuff aside, I've got a couple of ideas that I think I could get a really good use out of, in regards to this specific platform. The usual lifestyle stuff, of course, since it is a personal blog, but there's something about this medium that leave Tumblr read-more text posts in the dust. Bee updates? Yes. Insights on the creative projects I'm really eager to kickstart this year? Definitely. All those personal essays and reflections (and even poetry!) on race and relationships that I've been dying to put down somewhere, anywhere, for the sake of my well-being, and in hopes that it might help someone reading it? Hell yeah!

2016 might be off to a stressful, strained start, but I've got a good feeling about it. If 2015 was the year of firsts and first steps, 2016 will hopefully be the year of plot progression and security.

knock knock?

Hi guys, long time no see. Not sure if anyone's still around to read this update, especially since it's been over a year, but I figured I'd check back in to do some cleanup, and to write something up real quick!

First of all: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Doesn't feel like them in the least, on my end. Maybe next year will be better. Unfortunately this time around, the holidays brought with them far too much stress and not enough of that holiday joy that everyone talks about. Is that even a real thing? Seriously, is that even a real thing?

2015 certainly brought with it several events that, had I still been using this regularly, would've seen a string of paragraphs dedicated to them. I moved into my first apartment (in San Francisco!) in August 2015, for example. Got my first tattoo (of a bee, to no one's surprise), had a Harley Quinn Halloween, tried out fitness kickboxing. Battled many bugs in my home, tried to keep several houseplants alive (mostly succeeded), consulted an embarrassing amount of wikiHows concerning basic domestic duties as I adjusted to life alone, struggled to maintain at least a sliver of a social life, got out that self-critical bubble and finally put up an online portfolio of my artwork, yadda yadda yadda. Oh, and I applied for graduation. That doesn't feel quite real yet, since I'm fresh out of finals stress.

When's the last time we heard a story about a 22-year old who had it all together, anyway?

Still, I suppose if I want to be optimistic about the past several months -- and I do, I can definitely muster a genuine desire to -- the good and the bad are, in that strange way of theirs, oddly balanced. Creative energy? Wondefful, in fact it's all over the place: too many ideas and projects, which is always a delight, although I'm scrambling to get them all down somewhere. Money? Not great. Did the occasional commission or gig this year, but now that class is over, I'm currently pushing out as many job applications as I can. (Merry Christmas to me!) Style? Maybe I'll write more about later, perhaps, but yeah, I'm still lusting after that Allsaints jacket I've mentioned in passing a few times here. Love? Lovely, for once, and I'm very much all daydreamy and impatient in regards to the future. General wellness, mental health, recovery, stress management? Alright, could be better, getting by, and so-so, respectively. Life's funny. Whether it's ha-ha funny or everything-you've-been-dreading-coming-true funny, though, is a painful rite of passage I figure most twenty-somethings will undergo, and slowly. 

All that being said: I'm thinking about what I can possibly do with this space. I've made it too cute and had too much fun using it in the past to toss it away entirely. (I'll promise I'll never forget you, Livejournal.) I'm still writing the occasional personal post on Tumblr; however, it never quite takes the same tone as these entries do -- which I'm completely fine with. In fact, I appreciate that I can assess my day-to-day life in a variety of voices. Someone's got to, and it's the only life I'm gonna have. And let me tell you, my sidebar bio here applies just as much today as it did the day I wrote it. (Not really: my desire to discuss and talk about the things I want to say increase with time. Also, I'm a Gemini, but that may or may not be related to that tendency.)

This blog took on a lifestyle/fashion/music focus during my days at Collegefashion, and those are all things I don't think I'll ever stop rambling about. There are so many subjects I want to talk about that I can use this space for, after all -- everything from turtleneck sweaters to skincare, race and feminism and what life has been like growing up Filipina in America (something I've been wanting to discuss at length for years), the horror project I'm hoping to kickstart next year, the Filipina superhero I've needed growing up and therefore have started writing, the unbearable whiteness of media, recovery and self-care, tattoos and tattoos and more tattoos...

Anyway, quick update (yeah right) aside, I hope it won't be too long until I check in here next. I'm figuring things out, dusting off much-neglected online platforms, dipping my feet back into this corner of the digital pool. Keeping my eyes open, speaking up. 

It's like I said -- life's funny. If I say everything I want to say, and help people out along the way, someone like me won't have to be the punchline anymore.

a (second) week with audrey

Hello!

It's the last Saturday of my summer break. On Tuesday, I'll be back on the morning train, probably regretting how late I'd stayed up the night before as I ache for another latte. It hasn't quite hit me yet that classes are resuming so soon, especially because I've just had the loveliest week with my friend Audrey.

Most of the week was spent showing her around San Francisco. I've been spending a lot of time indoors lately -- hiding from the obscenely hot weather, mostly -- so it was nice to wander around and show her some of my favorite places. Apologies, this post is a bit of a mess. 

We hit several stops on Monday (8/18). We started with lunch at Onigilly and Plentea, which are conveniently located right next to each other. Every time I pass by it there's always a line at both, but the wait is definitely worth it. Plus, there's a cozy seating area on the second floor of Plentea where you can escape the crowd on the first floor. (There are also outlets so you can charge your now-dying phone because you were refreshing Twitter incessantly in line.)

Afterwards we took the bus over to Japantown. We stopped by one of my favorite cafes in the city (if not my favorite so far), YakiniQ Cafe. I haven't been in there in ages and it's still the same, homey place I remembered it to be. Following our caffeine pick-me-up we strolled through the malls across the street, and headed over to Pika Pika to take pictures together. Both YakiniQ and Pika Pika are musts when you visit Japantown, so bring your friends next time you're stopping by! 

I picked up yet another box of Palty hair dye while we were there -- it definitely lightened my hair (I suppose the third time's the charm -- or was it the fourth?) although it's still not the color I want. Oh well. Maybe next time? I'm so close to achieving my dream hair!

We ended the trip with some delicious takoyaki over at Cafe Hana.

The next day I showed her around Berkeley (around Shattuck and Telegraph). Audrey and I had lunch at Paris Baguette before we browsed some thrift stores and record shops. I got some journals over at Moe's Books -- I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing in a handwritten journal again. I don't know. Something about it feels right at the moment.

On Wednesday it was back to San Francisco. Audrey was curious about Sushirrito -- yes, it's exactly what you think it is, and yes, it is delicious -- so we stopped by to have lunch there before we popped in and out of shops on Haight Street.

^ There was this lovely collared dress I tried on over at Wasteland. In the end, I didn't buy it -- actually, I can no longer remember why, but I'm sure I had a good reason. Something about saving money for the upcoming semester...yeah, something like that.

The rest of the week progressed calmly. After spending three days straight walking around the city we decided to rest a bit. On Thursday we spent most of the day having coffee and flipping through magazines at Barnes & Noble, and then had dinner at my favorite sushi place ever. On Friday we spent the evening reading creepy stories and playing some horror games. I've been in the mood for some good horror lately...I just can't seem to find any piece of media that'll satisfy the particular craving.

Audrey left this morning around noon. I returned home to some gifts she left behind -- some perfume from Lush, along with a lovely letter that made the space she left behind all the more harder to ignore. 

But there's no use in being sad, really -- goodbyes suck, but we talk and make each other laugh every day across various internet platforms, so in a way, it's like she never left! 

That's one of the best things about getting to meet and spend time with friends you made online: after you say your farewells, board your flights, and return to your own corner, you're never really alone -- all you have to do is pull up their name on a screen, and you can pick up right where you left off.